Holier Than Thou
by XQR
Summary: In which an asexual Kankri decides to try matespritship. Things don't look too good until Cronus is asked to fill that quadrant. Includes pale PorrimKankri.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Note about this being post-game and all were revived and living on Alternia (the trolls that is, the humans are on Earth).

Holier Than Thou

It was a rainy day and a number of trolls were gathered in the Serket hive. Kankri was perched on the edge of a sofa, not quite sure why he was still there. Aranea had invited him probably only because she had invited Porrim, but Porrim had decided not to turn up only hours earlier for a reason Kankri would pester her for later. He had spent most of the time talking with Cronus so far, but he was presently occupied with taunting Meenah…or perhaps she was taunting him. He couldn't quite tell.

"So, Equius, how's it going with Aradia?" Vriska asked.

Kankri rolled his eyes. He had hoped to join the conversation, but this was nothing interesting. A shame; there was so much to be discussed with the Alternian trolls.

"There is nothing to discuss," Equius said.

"What? I thought you wanted her in a quadrant?"

"I don't date down on the hemospectrum."

Vriska rolled her eyes. "Well I don't think Gamzee's available," she said as she nudged Tavros in the side. "So I'm guessing you'll be making a better Aradiabot to fill that hole in your life? One that won't reject your blue blood."

Most of the Beforan trolls had glanced at Kankri when they heard the word 'hemospectrum' and knew it was only a matter of time before he delivered a lecture. They were relieved when a single question came out of his mouth.

"So, you build robots too, Equius?"

Equius nodded and Vriska took it upon herself to elaborate in the hope of embarrassing him. "Yeah, he builds lots of the same one – our Megido – and he makes them blue bloods because he's ashamed of liking a rust blood. Then he tries so make them fall in love with him."

Aranea stood making a motion to tell Vriska to stop, but she never caught the message, preferring to watch as Equius reached for a towel.

Kankri sat with his mouth open, ready to recite, but unsure about what he should pick on first. In that moment Horuss excused himself and the other Beforan trolls quietly migrated to the other end of the room.

"Please mind your language, Vriska, such terms could be offensive to those in the room," he briefly looked at Tavros. "But you should refrain from using such derogatory terms anyway, regardless of who is present. Before I continue, do you have any triggers I should be aware of?"

Vriska looked at him, one eyebrow raised. "What?"

"Nothing?" Kankri said quickly, he was quite used to people having no triggers to list, and perhaps it was presumptuous of him, but Vriska didn't seem the type to have any she would willingly list publicly. "Excellent. I would like to take the time to say that Equius's robot building abilities are quite astounding, but the fact that he intentionally makes them blue blooded is horrific. It only furthers the oppression of the lower classes by promoting the idea that those with blue blood and higher castes are superior to those with green and lower. If one likes another then they should be proud of that partner, regardless of such trivial attributes. Having met the young Megido I have found her to be quite happy with herself, so someone such as yourself should not seek to change her. I would suggest that you speak with Horuss; he has changed since finding a moirail of lower blood. His views on the hemospectrum have truly changed for the better and I'm sure he can provide you with the same wisdom."

"So you're suggesting Equius target rustbloods instead of using his own blood? Wouldn't that make him worse in your eyes?"

Kankri looked rather horrified. "Firstly, language. Secondly, I would rather he used a different system altogether so that the robots didn't function on blood from other living beings."

"I do not know how to build them without using blood," Equius chipped in. "Besides I am fairly certain that using blood of a higher caste yields better results. It has proved to be of superior quality."

"The pair of you need to rethink the way you phrase things, this is all quite triggering to those lower down on the spectrum, wouldn't you agree, Tavros?"

Tavros looked a little shocked that he had been pulled into the conversation. He'd zoned out during Kankri's initial long speech. "Um…I don't really care. I'm used to it."

The shock was evident on Kankri's face. "Are slurs frequently used against you?"

"Yeah, but, um, Vriska's supposed to do that as a kismesis. But Gamzee just points out my blood colour in an, um, endearing way."

"And the others who are not in your quadrants?"

Why was this guy so interested? He barely even knew his name. "They sometimes say things, but nothing like the time I was in a four wheeled device."

"I am disgusted at the way your so called friends treat you. Have you learned nothing about equality from your dancestors? True, our society wasn't perfect, but it was a lot better than this."

"I can see why Karkat made you move out," Terezi said from where she lay on the sofa.

Vriska held up a hand for a high-five. "True. Why do you care so much? Seems like your friends abandoned you the moment you opened your mouth."

"I want to better the world and educate ignorant trolls such as yourself."

"Ignorant?" Vriska raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "That, I am not."

"Really? Then why do you insist on continuing to use slurs and promote such unhealthy practices among your friends?"

"Because that's who I am and that's how life goes. We can't all live in your bubble – this perfect world you live in."

"But the world I live in is far from perfect, but we can all work towards it." Kankri gave her a smile which made her think he was delusional.

"No. I like it how it is."

"Then you have yet to learn all that is wrong with the world. Perhaps I could suggest a few topics for discussion so that I can better explain why."

"Not today. Not ever."

Kankri ignored her. "We could start with class oppression, or perhaps culling culture? Lusus –"

Vriska stood up. "No."

"I would appreciate it if you would take the time to listen -"

"No, we've all had enough of your waffle today; some of us are just too polite to say so."

"I didn't think you understood the concept."

"Look, I've tried to end this nicely, the least you can do is do the same." She began to walk away, but Kankri stood up and she stopped. "I'm serious. Leave me alone."

"Please, just one lec- conversation. It will be beneficial, I promise." He took a step towards her and within a second a hand was at her temple, a threat she hoped he would recognise.

"Vriska," Aranea said warningly.

The younger Serket turned and smiled at her dancestor sweetly. Unfortunately for her Cronus walked over just in time to catch Tavros's hand that was on its way to collide with Kankri's head.

Vriska cursed under her breath and Tavros shot her an unimpressed look while Cronus ushered Kankri from the room.

"Cronus, let go of me," Kankri complained.

Once the door was closed behind them he complied. "Look, chief, she's not up to listening today, so there's no point wasting your breath. And, you know, it's not a good idea to get on Vriska's bad side. You do know that she's the one that paralysed Tavros during their game, right? And later was the one to kill him. But she even blinded her matesprit, so not one to mess with."

"I see. Well, perhaps you'd be so kind as to help me get through to her another time."

"Err…I'll think about it." He patted Kankri's shoulder and gave a strained smile before leaving him.

It was her loss. He had to accept that not everyone could be convinced of certain things. This just happened to be one of those he lost.

**ooo**

Everyone and their dancestor were invited to Porrim's wriggling day celebration. Social gatherings such as this were not Kankri's forte, but as a moirail he felt it his duty to attend. Had it been anyone else he most likely would have declined without a second thought.

He tried to enjoy himself, he really did, but there were certain wavelengths that he just wasn't on. That, and he had promised Porrim that he would refrain from lecturing anyone on any subject. So for the most part he sat there listening to conversations and holding his tongue, despite wanting to say so many things.

At one point he ended up with Damara sitting next to him and he mentally noted it as one of the most awkward situations of his life.

"You cute," she said. Her standard Alternian was much improved since they had last spoken. He did have a sneaking suspicion that she was actually very fluent, but he had to respect her and was not going to be the one that suggested she was lying to them all. "You suck my bulge." She moved closer. "I lick your nook."

Kankri could feel himself flush at how forward she was. "No, thank you. I would appreciate it if you would stop invading my personal space."

"It feel good. Trust." She placed a hand on his leg which he immediately slapped away. He made to get up, but she placed a hand on his chest, pushing him back into the sofa they sat on. A hand wrapped around his wrist which he tried to pull away from, but she had a strong grip that surprised him. Oh god, where was she leading his hand?

"Hey, doll, you mind budging up?"

Kankri had never been more pleased to see Cronus. Damara shot him a look and released Kankri, only to begin moving into his lap. Cronus took her shoulder and moved her so that he could fit between the two of them.

"So what's up?" He took a sip of his beer.

"You want get off?" Damara asked.

"Not now, doll. But, you know, it _is_ Porrim's wriggling day."

Damara huffed and left the two.

"You okay, chief? She didn't do anything too 'triggering'?"

"You came just in time. Thank you."

"No problem, I know she's a little full on at times."

"Yes, I hope Porrim will be able to handle her. Do you mind moving over?"

Cronus moved from the squashed position they had been in. "I haven't heard you say much tonight."

"I promised Porrim I wouldn't."

Cronus smiled. "Doing a good job, but you can tell me. What's tempted you the most to speak out?"

"Well, I would like to say something to Damara about the sexual harassment, but there's not much use in talking to her seeing as she pretends not to understand. I would like to say something about the amount of sloppy make outs I've witnessed, but they're all in quadrants with one another, so who am I to stop them? That leaves me with the complaint about the amount of soporific substances being consumed."

"Haven't you had any?"

"No, I refuse to touch the stuff, another lesser known vow of mine."

"You should try it; the stuff Rose bought over is actually really nice."

"The fact that the adjective you chose to use is 'nice' tells me that it isn't worth anyone's time."

"Okay, then it's really tasty. Is that better?"

"Only slightly. I still refuse to touch the stuff. It turns people into think-panless idiots."

"That's harsh, chief."

"I won't hide my hate for the substance. Much better to pour all of my hatred into something like that rather than people. I honestly don't see the point of it."

"It helps you to relax and be a little more carefree, you know."

"A little meditation would do the same, I'm sure."

"Kanny, what are you up to?" Porrim waltzed over and settled herself on the arm of the sofa.

"Just talking."

"Good, good." She slipped into his lap. "Hug me."

He did as she asked. "Are you okay?"

"Do you see Damara?"

"She's looking this way. Oh god, she's bothering poor Karkat now."

"Sorry about that, Por," Cronus chimed in. "We kinda sent her your way to get her to leave Kan alone."

"I'm surprised no one's accepted her advances yet. I won't lie, I thought you might."

"Nah, had to be here to look after my buddy here." Cronus slid an arm around Kankri's shoulders.

"Don't touch him," Porrim said.

Cronus quickly retracted the arm. "Sorry. Triggers, I forgot."

Porrim removed herself from her moirail and smoothed her dress. "Be good and enjoy yourselves."

"Do you think we should rescue Karkat?" Kankri asked as they watched Damara close the gap between them, Karkat's back against the wall.

"Doesn't he have a Makara for a moirail? Shouldn't he sort it out?"

"I think I saw him disappear with Tavros not too long ago."

Cronus sighed. "Yeah, I guess we should. But she'll only go for someone else. Should I give her what she wants?"

Kankri shrugged, unsure of what was the best course of action. "I suppose you both have a free quadrant, so it wouldn't be cheating. I mean, I don't approve, but it probably would be for the good of us all – and hurry because Karkat is looking quite triggered now."

Cronus shrugged and downed his drink. "Wish me luck."

He watched as Cronus removed Damara from his dancestor and pointed him in his direction. It came as a surprise when Karkat did actually come and sit by him, grabbing a cushion to place over his lap, which Kankri pretended not to notice.

"How's life, fuckass?"

Kankri rolled his eyes. "Not bad. Enjoying life without me?" He hadn't been the only one to be kicked out by his dancestor, Mituna and Cronus had received the same treatment while Meenah had evicted herself.

"Fuck yes; this is the way trolls are supposed to live: alone."

"Most of the others manage it."

Karkat rolled his eyes. "Look, you're a stubborn nookstain that just won't be washed away. I don't even know how someone as awesome as Porrim puts up with you and your holier-than-thou attitude. Do you ever just take a step back to look at yourself and how others see you? Because if you did you'd probably stand there and say 'wow, what an asshole.' Yeah, you should do that and then you can stop being so fucking annoying and make all our lives more bearable."

"I am quite hurt, Karkat, but as I was saying to someone earlier, sopor changes people, so I'll assume that you didn't mean all of that."

"I know I had a little drinking challenge with Sollux, but that was like…hours ago. I'm serious about what I said. Take a step back and look at yourself sometime."

"You always talk about past you with derogatory terms; will I be expecting the same by tomorrow?"

"I can already tell that past me, which is to say current me, is absolutely wonderful because he is telling you exactly what I feel and have always wanted to say to you."

At that moment Kankri yelped and leapt from the sofa. A pair of hands had wrapped themselves around his horns moments ago and caused Karkat to burst into laughter while Gamzee stood up from where he'd been crawling behind the sofa.

"Oh, sorry bro that looks like Karbro." Gamzee climbed over the back of the sofa and fell unceremoniously into the seat Kankri had just vacated. "Hey, best friend. You two look motherfucking similar from behind."

"No shit, Gamzee. But that's the most hilarious thing I've seen for a while."

Kankri huffed and walked away. Clearly he wasn't wanted or welcome anymore.

The rest of the night didn't prove to be very interesting; he spent most of it watching the others play drinking games until the younger Captor couldn't hold it in anymore. He figured that was a good time to leave.

"Leaving so soon?" Kanaya asked as she descended the stairs.

"Yes, if that is okay?"

Kanaya nodded. "Take this." She held out an umbrella.

He thanked her and put on a pair of sunglasses before stepping out into the sunlight. "Goodbye, and tell Porrim I'll talk to her later."

**ooo**

"What's on your mind, chief?"

Kankri sat in Cronus's food block. They made time every now and then to get together and play music. Cronus would play the guitar and do most of the vocals while Kankri played the piano and occasionally sung along with Cronus, but never alone.

"Is it someone you like?"

"What? Why would I be thinking about that? I don't even like anyone, but that's beside the point, it's an inappropriate time to be thinking about such things."

"I don't know, you just had a dreamy look about you and I just thought I'd break the silence."

"I was quite enjoying the sound of the waves."

"Oh. I guess you don't get to hear them often." He brought the food he had prepared over to the table and sat down opposite Kankri. "But you really don't like anyone?"

"I thought you knew that I don't participate in the concupiscent quadrants." He took a slice of bread and began to build a sandwich.

"Yeah, everyone knows that, but it doesn't mean you can't like someone."

"Well, I don't allow myself to have such feelings."

"That's pretty harsh."

Kankri shrugged. "Not really. I don't ever feel the need for anything like that anyway."

"It's strange; I always thought you had a thing for Latula."

Cronus watched carefully, but he couldn't even detect the faintest blush on Kankri's face when he replied. "I remember there was a time when we were younger…maybe 5 sweeps, and Mituna asked me – no, he forced me to give him a name. He insisted that I must like someone more than the others. So I told him that I thought Latula was pretty. It's funny because he mocked me and said that Aranea was much more beautiful, but look who he's with now."

"Times change."

"They do. But anyway, I think he told people what I had said and everyone thought that I had a flush crush on her because of it."

"So it was all a lie?"

"Not at all. Calling it a lie would imply that I went along with it and agreed. It was just an untrue rumour. Sure, Latula is a fairly attractive person, but I feel nothing for her."

"Just 'fairly attractive'? Latula's got a hot bod, man. I think 'smoking' would be a better adjective."

Kankri set his sandwich down in a manner that implied he was about to berate Cronus. "I don't believe in seeing people as just how they appear physically. While I do find Porrim pleasant to look at, our relationship is built purely on an emotional level. I reject the use of the word 'hot' or any words with similar connotations, primarily because such words could be seen as offensive to those lower on the hemospectrum due to their higher internal temperatures. Certain highblooded individuals may also take offence as they may believe you are implying they are of lower status, not that -"

"Kan."

"Have I said something triggering? I do apologise."

"No, but I think we should eat and maybe we can talk about this another time, like maybe online later." Online where he could skim read while doing something much more interesting.

Kankri picked up his half-eaten sandwich. "Okay then." He didn't say another word about it that afternoon, but he didn't forget.

castelessGuardian [CG] began trolling casanovasAnchor [CA]

CG: Are y9u up f9r c9ntinuing 9ur dicussi9n fr9m earlier?

CA: ehhh...sure, chief.

CA: but before you begin I just vwanted to say that the reason I used those vwords vwas because i picked them up from the humans.

CG: I d9 rec9gnise that and it was g9ing t9 6e a p9int I menti9ned.

CG: Anyway, as I was saying earlier, the use 9f such w9rds may 6e deemed 9ffensive, 6ut may als9 6e unwanted 6y the pers9n 9r pe9ple they are descri6ing. I w9uld suggest that when discussing pe9ple y9u talk a69ut their pers9naility first and then their physical appearance.

CA: i only mentioned it because of vwhat you said before.

CG: Ah, 9f c9urse. I d9 ap9l9gise f9r assuming things a69ut y9u.

CA: can i ask you something?

CG: Alth9ugh the use 9f such w9rds is accepta6le t9 humans, we –

CG: 9f c9urse y9u may.

CA: i knowv you dont like my adjectivwes, but do you agree with me? do you think shes 'hot'?

CG: N9. I d9n't use such w9rds as they tend t9 suggest s9me f9rm 9f sexual attracti9n t9 the pers9n in questi9n.

CA: so youvwe nevwer felt sexually attracted to anyone?

CG: N9. Again, I th9ught that was clear.

CA: yeah, but i thought maybe you had vwhen you vwere younger or something. guess i find it a little odd.

CG: Did y9u have such attracti9ns when y9u were 3?

CA: no.

CG: Then just imagine 6eing like that.

CA: but thats vwhen vwe vwere 3. vwere 10 nowv, kan. things are different, vwevwe grovwn up.

CG: 6ut that's h9w I feel. I waited f9r this change t9 happen, 6ut it never did. I watched y9u all start t9 take an interest in each 9ther r9mantically, 6ut I never felt like that.

CA: thats a sad story, chief.

CG: I d9n't feel like I'm missing 9ut. It c9uld 6e w9rse. I c9uld have liked s9me9ne and had unrequited feelings.

CA: i guess. could havwe ended up like me.

CG: Y9u'll find s9me9ne s99n, I'm sure.

CA: maybe. so, like wha

CG: Hmm?

CA: i meant to press backspace.

CG: What were y9u g9ing t9 ask? I presume that was the start 9f a questi9n.

CA: nothing. youd probably say it vwas too triggering or something.

CG: Try me.

CA: no, i really dont vwant to.

CG: 9kay, 6ut d9n't say I didn't give y9u an 9pp9rtunity.

CA: fine.

CA: i vwas going to ask…fuck its too personal.

CA: okay, vwhatevwer, im just curious, dont judge.

CG: I pr9mise n9t t9.

CA: i vwanted to knowv vwhat you get off to if you dont find anyone attractivwe.

CG: I d9n't.

CA: vwhat?

CA: you dont get off evwer?

CG: N9. I d9n't feel the need t9.

CA: but you tried it?

CG: Every tr9ll has that awkward m9rning when they wake up with their 6ulge unsheathed f9r the first time and I, like m9st, tried manual stimulati9n that day. It was pleasant en9ugh as I remem6er it, 6ut n9t interesting en9ugh t9 make me repeat the experience.

CA: so you nevwer popped a boner randomly?

CG: I never let my th9ughts run that wild.

CA: god, kan, you really are a freak of nature.

CG: Cr9nus, y9u kn9w I d9n't appreciate y9u using such terms when talking a69ut me.

CA: sorry, chief. you just amuse me sometimes.

CG: I can't pretend that I'm n9t 9ffended 6y the fact that y9u find this all s9 funny. I c9nfided these pieces 9f pers9nal inf9rmati9n 6ecause I th9ught that y9u were a friend I c9uld trust.

CA: i vwont tell anyone.

CG: I als9 meant that I trusted y9u n9t t9 make fun 9f me and my differences.

castelessGuardian [CG] ceased trolling casanovasAnchor [CA]

CA: im sorry, kan. you knowv i dont mean to be mean.

"Am I – pardon the language – an asshole?" Kankri asked as he and Porrim lay in her fabric pile. It was probably his favourite place due to the immense comfort.

"Was someone calling you names again?" she asked as she ran a hand through his hair.

"It was something Karkat said. I wasn't going to take note, but I had a few more conversations with others and it got me thinking again."

"Well, not everyone gets along and someone who I think is a complete tool could be your best friend."

"He's not my best friend, you are."

"Outside of the quadrants you'd class him as your closest friend though?"

"I suppose." He was never really sure about Cronus. Some days he would pretend not to notice the Cancer like most of their group, but other times they'd be there playing music until the sun came up.

"Anyway, my point was that I don't think you're an ass, but I can understand why someone like Karkat would say that. Sometimes you need to learn when to keep things to yourself."

"But it's hard."

"I know it is, honey, but you'd go further if you did."

They lapsed into silence, but Kankri's mind was never quiet. He snuggled into Porrim and thought about his recent exchanges with Cronus. His love for Porrim was as platonic as could be; he had never even thought of her in any other way. She could squeeze him against her chest or stand there naked all day and he wouldn't even respond. Was that just the sign of a perfect moirail? But hadn't Aranea been pale for her and that ended up in quadrant vacillation? Oh god, now he was trying to think of her that way. Had Cronus managed to make him curious? He'd already missed the young experimental phase, it was too late. Besides, he had vows to keep.

**ooo**

"Aren't you going to sing?" Kankri asked.

Cronus laughed. "With this voice? I know it doesn't sound too bad right now, but if I tried to sing it would break and be out of tune and everything." The cough had left Cronus with a slightly raspier voice than usual. He sounded a little like a villain out of an action movie.

They began another song and Kankri decided to fill in for his partner. He knew most of the words and hummed along to the parts he wasn't sure on.

"Sorry about the last verse."

Cronus was still staring at him with a look of awe.

"What is it?" Kankri's hands flew to his face, wondering if there was something on it.

"Your voice is amazing."

"Oh. Thank you."

"You should sing solo more often."

Kankri blushed. "I…um…I don't really want to."

Cronus frowned. "Aw, but you sound beautiful. Why wouldn't you want to sing more often?"

Kankri shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't think I was very good."

"You are, Kan. Will you do the next one as well?"

"If it's one I know."

Cronus played a few notes and Kankri smiled and turned back to the piano. He couldn't pass up the chance to belt out his favourite song.

The performance left Cronus smiling and the Cancer deciding that he was tired of singing alone. He began to play a song of his choice and Cronus groaned.

"Really, Kan?"

"Oh yes, really."

"You're so evil to me sometimes." Cronus cleared his throat before launching into song. "_I got chills. They're multiplyin'._" It was one of the first human songs he's ever heard and Kankri knew that he couldn't resist singing along. God, he sounded awful and he knew he was butchering the song, but that wasn't going to stop him.

Kankri took the female part and it made Cronus chuckle. He never sang half-heartedly, so this was the only time Kankri sounded like he genuinely had any interest in romance.

Cronus rejoined the song for the chorus, but by the end of the first line he descended into a coughing fit. Kankri stopped playing and handed him the glass of water that sat on top of the piano. The Aquarius took it and drank the whole glass, pausing to clear his throat between sips.

"Thanks, chief. Where were we?"

"I don't think you should be singing if that's the kind of state you'll end up in."

"But it's my favourite song…"

"I know, we'll sing it next time when you're better."

Cronus huffed and put the guitar down and replacing it with a cushion pulled to his chest.

"Don't mope. I'm only thinking of your health."

"So I'll just lay here and listen to you play?" Cronus asked hopefully.

Kankri shook his head. "I think not. You should go and rest in your recuperacoon and I should come back when you're healthy again."

"But that's so boring," Cronus groaned. "Won't you stay and keep me company? Pleeeease?"

Kankri sighed. "Fine. I'll stay for a while. I should at least stay for the amount of time it takes me to get here."

"Hey, that's not what you're supposed to say. You're supposed to say that you want to be a good friend and be with me in my time of need."

"Perhaps. But I would rather not increase my chances of infection by hanging around longer."

Cronus got up and began to walk to his respiteblock. "So when Porrim's ill you don't do the good moirail thing and tend to her? I can imagine you sitting on the opposite side of the room and throwing tissues at her."

"Porrim has never complained about illness to me. I suppose she has a strong immune system."

"Sure. Or she knows you wouldn't help." Cronus pulled his shirt over his head and Kankri averted his eyes.

"I'll just wait outside."

Cronus called him in less than a minute later and Kankri was surprised when he looked around. The block didn't look like it belonged to Cronus, or rather not current Cronus. Most of the things in here were in boxes that were gathering dust, but there was still a desk with just a book and a wand on it.

"It's my old block," Cronus explained. "Not many people get to see it."

"I can understand that you would move all of your old belongings into one place, but why is the recuperacoon in here?"

"I have a human bed – it's so much better…when you're not ill. Anyway I'm sure you can see why I asked you to stay. Not much to do here except for watch the boxes get dustier."

Kankri pulled the chair from under the desk and swept it of dust before sitting down. "So, how would you like me to entertain you today?"

Cronus shrugged. "I thought we could just talk, unless you had something else in mind?"

Kankri smirked. "Talking is great, so now that I have you in a good position which of the following issues would you like to discuss…?" He listed a variety of his favourites which Cronus barely even processed, instead diving face first into the slime and regretting asking the Cancer to stay.

**ooo**

Kankri woke with an ache in his groin, ignoring it as he pulled himself out of his recuperacoon. He rubbed his eyes and began to remember what he had been dreaming about. Oh god…Cronus was in it. And they had been pailing. How embarrassing. And here he stood finding his body had responded to such a ridiculous idea. He fingered his bulge curiously and was slightly surprised when it wrapped itself around his hand, trying to find friction. It had been a long time since he'd felt like this…maybe his body would respond better this time. He sat down in his chair before giving his bulge the attention it desired, rubbing a hand up and down it slowly.

His mind began to wander and he had to remind himself what he was doing. He sighed. So this was the part where he thought about things that turned him on, right? Well, he had no idea where to start with that…surely thinking about the dream would help. He thought of the naked version of Cronus that had appeared in his dream and blushed furiously. Why couldn't it have been a random troll? Okay, maybe he shouldn't focus on the face and stick to what they were doing. Cronus had been there with a pail between his legs…actually, that was a good idea.

A short rummage through his cupboards later he was poised in the same position he had dreamt of, blushing furiously even though there was no one around to see him like this. He resumed stroking his bulge, feeling it begin to get slicker. Cronus had been bucking into his hand, so he began to move his hips in the same motion. He wasn't very good at it, losing the rhythm – well that would imply that he had a rhythm that lasted more than two thrusts of his hips. It didn't matter really, what he was managing seemed to be working. The need to go faster was finally here and he was more than happy to oblige. Honestly he just wanted this to be over. He felt so exposed and ridiculous the way he was being reduced to this panting mess. Oh god, he really was making a lot of noise. He grabbed the sweater he'd left on the back of the chair and bit down on it to stifle his moans. Cronus had been moaning his name in his dream…he replayed the sounds he had imagined and they were somewhat arousing. Wait, he'd finally found something – no, he couldn't think about that now, he was so close. Just focus on the sounds…

God, it felt so good right now. Maybe he should do this more often, maybe later on? He pumped as fast as his hand could go and let out a final moan as he released, stroking his rubbed-raw bulge until he had ridden out his orgasm. He slumped against the wall, waiting until he had caught his breath before trekking to the ablution block.

As the water washed over him he couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. He'd spent all that time touching himself and the reward had been a few seconds of ecstasy. Maybe he wouldn't be doing that again any time soon. And didn't everyone always say that it was this really relaxing thing? He honestly couldn't see what they meant. His body just seemed to get more stressed during the whole ordeal and now he felt just as he would any other day. He sighed and picked up a sponge. At least he'd tried.

castelessGuardian [CG] began trolling casanovasAnchor [CA]

CG: Cr9nus, may I ask y9ur advice?

CA: shoot, chief.

CG: H9w d9es 9ne g9 a69ut meeting 9ther tr9lls and initiating a matespritship?

CA: gosh, thats one hell of a question. vwhat did porrim say?

CG: I haven't asked her yet. As a m9irail she w9uld pr96a6ly get t99 inv9lved, as well as 9ver excited.

CA: vwell, i guess youvwe just got to go out there and meet people. maybe hang out at a bar…or in your case join a book club?

CG: 9kay, 6ut h9w w9uld I c9nvey the fact that I have r9mantic intenti9ns?

CA: can i ask if you havvwe someone in mind?

CG: I d9 n9t.

CA: oh okay. vwell as you knowv, im not the best in that department, but my advwice vwould be to tell them howv you feel vwhen the time is right.

CG: Is that really all there is t9 it?

CA: i guess? im sorry, im really not the advwice guy for this area.

CG: I understand. Thank y9u anyway.

CA: vwhats this all about though? i thought you didnt do matesprits.

Kankri sat back for a moment. He hadn't really considered what he would say if Cronus asked. A part of him wanted to lie, to say that it was all research for something he was writing. But perhaps Cronus could be of use if he knew his true intentions.

CG: I w9uld like to seek a matesprit as an experiment.

CA: okay then. doesnt sound vwrong at all.

CG: I mean that I want t9 try having 9ne and see whether I like it. 6ut I'm very fussy a69ut wh9 I w9uld all9w t9 get cl9se t9 me, s9 I'm n9t sure it will w9rk 9ut, hence calling it an experiment.

CA: i see. vwhy dont you ask porrim to try it out?

CG: I am n9t g9ing t9 vi9late the sanctity 9f 9ur m9iraillegiance t9 try s9mething that I d9u6t will w9rk with her.

CA: fair enough. i can givwe you some places to check out if you vwant.

CG: I supp9se that w9uld 6e a start.

Cronus ended up escorting the Cancer to his favourite bar and trying to help him out.

"How about her? She's looks nice," Cronus said as they sat at a table, looking for potential people for Kankri to approach.

"I think I saw her walk in with someone."

"Yeah, but we walked in together. Doesn't mean she's with them."

"Yes it does." Kankri watched as a green blood kissed the girl in question on the cheek. "Anyway, it doesn't matter what they look like."

"So that dodgy guy in the corner's good for you?"

Kankri grimaced as he looked. "Well, he could be a really nice person…who just happens to look rather scary."

"Not being funny, Kan, but he looks like the type that would have you culled." He averted his eyes when he noticed the troll looking their way. "Say, you never said whether you were going to break your vows in this experiment of yours."

"I haven't planned that far ahead to be honest. I'm not really expecting things to progress that far – either I'll back out or they'll give up on me."

"Aw, why would they do that?"

"Because most people can't stand me talking to them for more than a few minutes."

Cronus gave him a friendly shoulder pat. "Just remember that you're not here to lecture people. Now, go and sit at the bar and talk to a few people." Kankri looked a little worried as he got up. "Oh, and order something while you're there or it'll look odd."

Cronus watched as his friend walked away. He looked so small as he sat at the bar and it wasn't helping that he was sitting with his shoulders hunched, all closed in on himself. When they caught each others eyes Cronus gestured for Kankri to make himself look more confident. The Cancer nodded and rested and arm on the bar, looking to see who he could possibly strike up a conversation with.

"Water you doing here?" Meenah slid into the seat Kankri had recently vacated.

"Not much," Cronus lied. "I could ask you the same thing. Didn't think you liked this place."

"Aranea thinks it's quaint. Oh shit – is that Vantas?! You and him on a date?"

"Nah, I'm trying to get him a date."

Meenah smirked. "You ain't gonna get anywhere with that."

"Meenah, don't be mean."

"What? I ain't doing anyfin, his mouth will do it all for me."

Cronus sighed. "I just want the best for him. I'm sure he can do this."

"Feeling a little pale there?"

"What? No. I'm just being a friend."

"Yeah, alright. Not just trying to loosen him up so you can jump into his pants at the right moment?"

Cronus raised his eyebrows. "Damn, Meen, you think I'm that bad?"

"Meenah, are you taunting poor Cronus again?" Aranea took a seat next to her matesprit.

"Nah, we're just messing like usual." She punched him in the arm lightly.

"I see Kankri's getting on quite well with that girl."

Cronus looked to see Kankri happily chatting away to a short haired troll, yellow blooded by the look of it with a set of small curved horns.

"So can we take bets? I reckon she'll move on in less than 5 minutes."

"Meenah," Aranea said, "we should be cheering him on, not hoping he will fail."

"That's no fun, babe."

"What about you, Cronus, are you looking to fill a quadrant?"

"Not today. Although I'll be your kismesis, Meenah, if you'll have me."

Meenah rolled her eyes. "Not a chance, sleazebag."

Aranea giggled. "You two are a perfect match." It was her turn to be punched by Meenah.

casanovasAnchor [CA] began trolling castelessGuardian [CG]

CA: hey, chief. hovwd it go?

CG: It started 9kay, 6ut I have learned fr9m the experience.

CA: awv, vwhat happened?

CG: Turns 9ut her matesprit was away and she was l99king f9r a 9ne 9ff.

CA: its called a one night stand.

CG: Yes, well, I t9ld her I wasn't interested and she g9t defensive and I wasn't sure if she was trying to r9pe me into a kismesissitude.

CA: youre okay though?

CG: She didn't get physical, n9. 6ut my did she have a v9ice 9n her. The wh9le 6ar knew what was g9ing 9n.

CA: vwell at least you got the chance to talk to someone.

CG: Yes, h9pefully I'll pick s9me9ne 6etter next time.

CA: im off to sleep then. vwas just vwaiting up for you to make sure you made it home alright.

CG: Thank y9u f9r y9ur c9ncern. G99dnight, Cr9nus.

CA: night.

casanovasAnchor [CA] ceased trolling castelessGuardian [CG]

"How's the red quest going?" Porrim asked as she measured across Kankri's shoulders.

"Nowhere," Kankri confessed. Although he hadn't really intended to tell Porrim, he couldn't hide the fact that he had actually been trying to follow through on his plan. "I just can't do it."

"Hmm?"

"This whole romance thing. I wasn't cut out for it." He lifted his arms so Porrim could pull the tape around his chest. "I still don't find anyone attractive and they always get offended when I don't call them pretty or handsome or whatever they like to be called. And then the few that have stuck around longer than a week don't understand me. They don't want to listen to me and tell me it's not working when I won't kiss them."

"Well, if they're looking for a serious matespritship then a kiss generally helps to tell people if they're in the right place."

"But I don't want to go that fast."

"Alternian trolls feel more of an urgency due to the idea of the drones they grew up with."

Kankri sighed. "But they don't even exist in the same manner anymore."

"Old habits die hard. Maybe you need to let some of your old ideas go for the moment."

"But I don't trust them. These Alternian trolls are so much more violent and impulsive. I haven't allowed one into my hive yet just in case…"

"What could they possibly do? I'm sure they mean no harm if they're looking for a matesprit."

Kankri shrugged. "I don't know. They might try to take advantage of me; I'm not exactly strong. Or they might cull me if they figure out my blood colour."

"I think you need to stop worrying so much. Although…if you have such issues with trust, then perhaps you should befriend these trolls instead of advertising yourself as a potential matesprit. Then maybe you can try love later."

"Maybe. It's just such a long wait for something that might not work out."

"But you'll at least have gained some new friends."

"I suppose."

Porrim handed him his sweater and he put it on before lounging in the fabric pile while he watched her work on her latest creation.

"You could always try dating one of our group."

"Somehow I don't think that will work. Let's see…who isn't taken? Damara."

Porrim snorted at the idea. "Maybe not her."

"And…Cronus is the only other one."

"I'm free."

"It wouldn't work. My love is purely platonic for you and nothing will change that."

"So what's wrong with taking Cronus for a spin?"

Kankri thought about it. "I don't know…"

"I bet if you asked him he'd be more than willing. And doesn't he know about all of this?"

"Yeah…"

"And he's a good friend."

"But what if this doesn't work out and I lose my best friend because of it?"

"I doubt he would ditch you. He'd be quite understanding I'm sure." She paused. "But of course, it's just an idea. You might want to use it as a last resort."

"Or I could just give up." He brought his hands to his face. "This is why I never bothered with quadrants before. Past me knew exactly what he was doing."

castelessGuardian [CG] began trolling casanovasAnchor [CA]

CG: Cr9nus, may I ask s9mething 9f y9u?

CA: sure thing.

CG: W9uld y9u 6e my experimental matesprit?

CA: huh? i thought you vwere trying it out vwith that melthu guy.

CG: N9, he and I have s9me very c9nflicting views a69ut the w9rld. It wasn't g9ing t9 w9rk.

CA: ah, i see. vwell i guess i could givwe it a shot if you vwant. you sure about this?

CG: Yes, I have c9me t9 the c9nclusi9n that y9u are a very g99d candidate. I trust y9u, Cr9nus, and I 6elieve y9u can play the part I want y9u t9.

CA: haha, that sounds like a bit of pressure. ill try my best, chief.

CA: you coming ovwer tomorrowv?

CG: Naturally. I'll see y9u then?

CA: yep.

castelessGuardian [CG] ceased trolling casanovasAnchor [CA]

He felt a little odd as he walked up to Cronus's front door. How were things going to go today? He was probably worrying over nothing. If things weren't going how he liked them he was more than happy to tell Cronus that. Maybe Porrim had been right to suggest this.

"Hey, Kan." Cronus smiled as he opened the door.

"Good evening."

"No hug?"

Kankri paused for a moment before quickly putting his arms around Cronus briefly.

"You didn't have to, but it's a good way to greet someone you're red for."

"But I'm not -"

Cronus hushed him. "I know, but I guess I'm looking at this as me being your guide to the red quadrant."

Kankri smiled. "I like that."

Everything went as it normally would. They played music, each doing a vocal solo and moving on to learning a new song. Once they were quite tired of playing Cronus set down his guitar and patted the seat next to him. Kankri was glad to sit in comfort once more, but kept a reasonable distance away. Cronus rolled his eyes and put an arm around Kankri's waist and pulled him closer.

"Cronus!"

"I thought we'd be able to skip the first part seeing as we already know each other." Kankri stopped fidgeting and leaned on his shoulder. "That's better, chief."

"I'm not comfortable with this level of contact, just so you know."

"If you wouldn't even let the others get this close then I can see why they left so soon."

"What's wrong with sitting further apart?"

"Makes people think you aren't interested in them as a partner. Now, I'm going to push you out of your comfort zone a little, so tell me if I ever go too far."

Kankri looked up at him. "This isn't what I had in mind."

"Yeah, but at your pace you'll never find out if it's right for you. Besides, I might want to think about a serious matespritship before this sweep's over." He leant over and placed a chaste kiss on Kankri's cheek.

There was a sharp intake of breath from the Cancer followed by "triggered."

"We've got a long way to go…"

**ooo**

"Well I hope you learned something." Cronus turned down the volume on the TV, just loud enough for him to enjoy the music.

He had decided that in order to better teach Kankri about the intricacies of matespritships without having to play it all out he'd show him what he considered to be the best film representation.

Kankri looked at him, not entirely impressed. "I hope it is more interesting to be in such a relationship rather than watching others be in one."

"Well, yeah, of course."

They had been 'dating' as such for a few weeks now and Cronus had only got as far as a kiss on the cheek when Kankri said goodbye. However, today was going to be the day. Oh yes, there was a reason for choosing this particular film.

"Come here." He patted his lap and pulled Kankri by the arm when he didn't respond.

"Cronus, this position is rather inappropriate." Kankri folded his arms as he was forced into straddling the Aquarius. "Is there a reason for it?"

"It puts you in the perfect position for sloppy make outs."

At that Kankri's eyes widened and he made to push himself away, but Cronus wrapped his arms around the Cancer's waist and held him in place.

"Kan, I'm trying to help you, like you asked, so help me out here."

"I'm not comfortable with the idea of exchanging oral fluids. It sounds like such a repulsive thing to do."

"Have you ever tried it?"

"No."

"Well, try it just once. And remember that scene in the film?" Kankri nodded reluctantly. "Try and imitate that." Cronus guided Kankri's face closer to his. "Oh, and don't pull away seconds after we begin."

The Cancer allowed the Aquarius to capture his lips in a kiss. The first was just a brush of the lips, but it quickly evolved into Cronus moving his lips against Kankri's, trying to push a tongue in. Kankri hesitated before deciding he might as well, allowing Cronus's tongue to explore the inside of his mouth. God this was wrong. He felt so violated and not just because he had someone's tongue in his mouth. No one ought to be this close to his face for this long with a hand running through his hair. His own hands were firmly on Cronus's shoulders, purely to help keep his balance. A cool hand that was on his hip moved up and slid under his sweater which caused him to break contact – a good idea too because they were both in need of air.

"C-Cronus," Kankri breathed in a way that sent blood straight to Cronus's bulge. "Can you remove your hands." He did so, holding them up in a way that asked 'did I do something wrong?' "Thank you." The Cancer removed himself from the other's lap and fixed his hair before sitting next to him once more.

"So?" Cronus asked. "How did you find it?"

"It was not a particularly enjoyable experience, but I will admit it wasn't as bad as I was expecting it to be. Let's not repeat it in the future."

"But how do you feel?" Kankri gave him a questioning look, so he expanded. "Well, I thought that was quite hot."

Kankri shuffled a little further from Cronus. "I didn't feel anything like _that_."

"Not even a sliver of pleasure?"

"If there was it was lost in the sea of discomfort I was feeling."

"I'm sorry."

Kankri shook his head. "No, it's fine. You're only trying to help and I'm just…maybe we should stop this charade."

"I'm willing to put up for you for a while longer if you want." He was willing to put up with the Cancer for a lot longer to be truthful. Someone was finally interested in him and it made him feel so wonderful inside, even if Kankri's heart wasn't really in it at the moment.

"Thank you, although I do think that it is a lost cause."

He didn't know what to say to that. Just when he was beginning to think Kankri would come around, he comes out with this. It wasn't like he could force the guy to love him.

"Kan, can I ask something – and you don't have to answer, but I'm just curious."

Kankri raised an eyebrow. "Sure."

"I know you said you don't get off, but has _anything_ ever tickled your fancy in that way?"

The Cancer blushed as he remembered the dream he'd had. But that was one time…he hadn't tried touching himself since then; probably due to the minor detail of not having woken with his bulge hanging out.

"No, nothing comes to mind."

Cronus tried to stare him out, but Kankri was already engaged in a staring contest with the guitar he'd propped up against the wall. "Okay, well, you don't have to do what I say, but it might be an idea for you to try out a few things. Like maybe watch some porn or read it if you'd prefer." Kankri's face was turning a deeper shade of red at the way Cronus was just casually suggesting such things. "You might find that you have a preference for women, or that seeing me shirtless puts you in the mood."

Kankri rolled his eyes and Cronus laughed.

**ooo**

He tried. He really did. But he just couldn't sit through the videos Cronus had linked him to. It was too difficult to watch these trolls degrade themselves and beg to be pleasured. Was this the kind of thing Cronus enjoyed watching? Maybe it was time to talk to him about the hemospectrum again, because all of these videos starred lowbloods as the ones begging.

Links to written porn followed, but it would take a novel to interest him in the characters who were just faceless strangers at the moment.

CG: While I appreciate what y9u're d9ing, it just isn't w9rking f9r me.

CA: vwell, i tried.

CA: maybe you could just use your imagination and think of vwhatevwer you vwere thinking of earlier.

CG: I wasn't thinking of anything.

CA: kan, you can deny it all you vwant, but that blush vwasnt for nothing.

CG: Fine. 6ut I refuse t9 tell y9u what it is.

CA: damn.

CA: i knewv you vwouldnt tell me anyvway. havwe fun, chief.

CG: Haha. G99dnight, Cr9nus.

castelessGuardian [CG] ceased trolling casanovasAnchor [CA]

Kankri turned off the husktop and began to undress. He stood there naked as he pondered whether he should actually take Cronus's advice. He would be most relaxed in his recuperacoon, but no doubt he'd be too drowsy to do much if he got in. The most comfortable thing in his hive after that was probably the sofa. He picked up a blanket before heading downstairs and succeeded in recreating the human bed Cronus had. It was dark apart from the faint glow of the sunlight through the blinds. He tried to remember the dream, but it had been quite some time and the details were hazy. Cronus moaning had been his favourite thing, but he couldn't remember how he had sounded.

Kankri sighed at himself. He hadn't committed it to memory because it had been much easier and less awkward to forget it. He let a hand roam over his body, trying to coax a nipple to life. Okay, that seemed to be working…maybe both of them… And it was all fun until they resumed their soft state and he wondered what he had done wrong. Whatever, horns were surely a much better way to go about this. He moved his hands to his head and began to stroke the sensitive bases. It was a pleasant sensation, but not enough to get the response he wanted from his lower regions.

Then he made the mistake of thinking about the videos Cronus had sent and knew that there was no way he'd get anywhere with his task now that he was thinking about social issues.

"Fuck," he whispered as he sat up with his head in his hands. Here he was unable to please his own body, how would anyone else be able to? Oh god, wait, was he seriously considering breaking his vows now? He groaned and lay back, pulling the blanket over him. He couldn't think about this now; it was late and he was annoyed at himself.


	2. Chapter 2

"Are you sure about this, Kanny?"

"Yes."

"But -"

"Porrim, I'll change my mind at this rate."

"I just don't want you to regret this."

Kankri removed his sweater and folded it before setting it down. "I know you're the best at this and I trust you more than anyone."

"Fine. Wait there."

She returned with some cushions which she placed on the floor and got Kankri to join her there, not wanting to risk spoiling her fabric pile. She began to massage his shoulders. "So, is it trouble relaxing? A mental block? Perhaps a physical mutation I am unaware of?"

He'd never considered that, but Karkat never seemed to have any trouble in that brief time they'd lived together. Not that he wanted to be thinking about his loud dancestor right now. "I would suppose a combination, but I don't believe I am any different to other trolls in any way other than blood hue."

She kissed his neck and shoulders before pushing him down onto the cushions. "Well, try to relax anytime you try anything like this. I know you tend to over think everything."

"I'm always relaxed around you."

She ran her hands across his chest and down to start tugging on his trousers. "And if you extend the same to Cronus then I doubt you'll have trouble."

"I do –mmm – try." Porrim had her hands around his horns, something that she would occasionally do to quiet him.

"Straighten your legs and open them slightly."

He leaned his head back to look up at her. "Do I have to?"

"Yes. What's wrong with that request?"

He did so reluctantly. "Because I feel too exposed."

"Then you need to be more confident. No one's going to hurt you and whoever sees you like this is going to want to see you flaunt everything you have."

"But I'm…I guess I'm a little scrawny and small. Nothing to see here. Mmm~"

"You may look like that, but you have to sell yourself as something else." She moved to give his body more attention.

"Porrim, it sounds like you're trying to turn me into a sex worker."

"Not at all, I'm just trying to make you more desirable to other trolls." Her nails were ghosting over his inner thighs, tracing swirling patterns.

"But I don't know how to do that."

"Well you have a cute face so that works in your favour." She started to flick the sensitive nubs on his chest. "But what you need to work on is flaunting your body, because I see you too often with your shoulders sloping forward like you're scared someone's going to cull you. Having said that, when you talk about things you're passionate about you look full of confidence, it's just unfortunate that the things you say repel most." A hand rubbed the lower part of his abdomen, just above his sheathe. "Anyway, I want you to stop thinking about those things and concentrate on feeling."

"I'll try."

"No, you will. I can't believe I haven't aroused you enough already."

"But those touches felt so platonic."

Porrim raised her eyebrows at him. "If you say so. It seems I'll have to go further." She pulled his legs apart and lowered herself to the ground so that she was level with his crotch.

"Porrim…"

"We talked about this, Kanny. I'm not letting you back out now, partly because I'm a little curious now. So just close your eyes and pretend I'm not here if that helps." She began to plant kisses up his thighs and across the lips of his nook. Then she ran her tongue from his nook to his sheathe, earning a surprised gasp from him. She repeated the motion a few more times, making sure to look up at him and watch the blush grow on his face. Her tongue slipped into his nook and Kankri made a high pitched noise. He hadn't even touched himself there…it felt odd, but oddly nice. A shiver ran down his spine and he shifted uncomfortably as he felt his bulge stir to life.

"Finally," Porrim said as she sat up. "I thought we were never going to get anywhere."

"I…" He blushed and looked a little ashamed.

Porrim cupped his face. "Kanny, don't look like that. This is why we're here." She gave his bulge a few strokes just in case it decided to retract.

"Ah – but -"

She pressed a finger to his lips. "That's what I want to hear – you making cute noises."

"They're lewd noises."

"No, they're natural noises. I think you just need to let go and let your body do what's natural."

"This doesn't feel natural to me."

She continued to pump the appendage. "That's what you've been telling yourself for however many years, but remember the last time you were in this state? You thought it quite a normal thing."

"I was curious."

"And why did you ask me to do this?"

"Because I – ah – need help."

"Because you're curious. Curious about how to make your body respond. I hope you're learning something. If not, pay close attention to what happens next."

Porrim circled his entrance before slipping a finger in, shortly followed by a second. She stroked the walls of his nook in time with the pumping of his bulge. It took less than a minute for Kankri to be reduced to a panting mess under her touch. He gripped the cushion under his head as he rolled his hips against her hands. It was so much easier when he didn't have to focus on pumping himself.

"P-Porrim…"

She nodded and he was quite horrified when she engulfed his bulge with her mouth, sucking on it a few times before deep throating him as he released.

He lay back, breathing heavily and letting the feeling of orgasm linger a little longer. "That was wonderful, Porrim."

"Good. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Now tell me what you learned."

"That I enjoy others stimulating me?"

Porrim rolled her eyes. "I'll give you a vibrator if you want, but that isn't what I wanted you to realise."

"I like my nook being touched."

"Bingo. So that's how you're going to make things quicker for yourself."

"But I still had trouble starting."

"I think you just need to relax and maybe touch the area to get things going." She stood up and inspected her soiled shirt. "It's something you'll have to figure out."

"Sorry about the mess…" he trailed off as he noticed the bulge against the front of her skirt.

"Nothing to worry about. If I cared I would have used a bucket. What are you – oh. Well, some of us react when we have people moaning beneath us."

"I tried not to, I apologise."

"Kanny, stop apologising. You did what I wanted you to do. Now how about you have a shower instead of lying in your genetic material?"

"Shouldn't I clean it up first?"

"I'll do it, you go and wash." He felt bad, but she insisted.

"What about you? Should I…help you too?" He didn't really want to offer, but he felt it the polite thing to do.

"I'll deal with it while you're in the ablution block."

"Oh, okay." He hurried out before she could change her mind. He did owe her in a sense, but he wasn't sure he was quite up to repaying her in the same manner.

**ooo**

"Do you sleep on the bed all the time?" Kankri was curled up at the end of it, much like a cat, Cronus thought.

"Nah, sometimes when I'm feeling under the weather I'll go for the 'coon instead. Do you like it?"

Kankri nodded and nuzzled into the pillow he was clutching. "Yes, I think I'd like to have one of my own."

"And I'd like to have you on mine looking this cute everyday."

The Cancer sat up and straightened his sweater. "I apologise; I got too comfortable."

Cronus pushed him back down. "It's nice to see you relaxed. Lay there until I finish this." He looked down at the lyrics he was writing and resumed chewing on the end of his pen.

It wasn't long before Kankri was snoozing and making cute noises with each exhale of breath. Cronus set his notepad down and carefully moved closer so that he could stroke Kankri's hair. At first he thought he had woken him, but the Cancer just shifted a little to make more of his head available. Cronus smiled and enjoyed the moment for a while longer before chancing a brush of his hand against a horn. Immediately Kankri sat up, hair a mess.

"Ah, sorry, Cronus, I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"I didn't mind. You're adorable when you sleep."

Kankri blushed slightly and busied himself with fixing his hair. Cronus pulled Kankri into a hug from behind and rested his head on his shoulder.

"Cronus, what are you doing?"

"Matesprit things? I'm assuming you haven't officially given up yet."

Kankri sighed. "I don't know. Sometimes I think I should. What do you think? In your honest opinion, is this working like a matespritship should?"

"Not really." Kankri moved so that he could face Cronus. "I mean, I know you're not into the touching stuff, but this is turning out to be a one sided thing and is more like unrequited love than anything functional."

"I apologise. I think I got a little too comfortable and assumed I wouldn't have to do much work. That was quite a terrible thing to do and I should try harder instead of leaving it all to you."

Cronus shrugged. "I don't mind, but I guess yeah, you need to do something or you'll never find someone who'll put up with you. Unless they're one of those weird stalker types who just thinks you're cute or something."

"Then allow me to be bold." He moved closer so that he was seated between Cronus's legs, faces inches apart. He watched as Cronus arched an eyebrow.

"Okay then."

It started as a peck on the lips, then a kiss to the jaw followed by a few more. Down to his neck and Cronus tilted his head for better access. He ran his tongue from his neck to his fins and the Aquarius shivered as his tongue travelled to the very tips of the delicate organ.

"Kan, wait."

"Hm?" Kankri pulled back, face full of innocence. Maybe he'd been expecting lust filled eyes to meet his, but this was Kankri let's not forget.

"Don't get me wrong, this is really nice, like, I'd love for you to continue, but I think it might just be a little too much."

"What? I thought this was appropriate for the red quadrant."

"Yeah, it is, but I don't think I can handle you all over me without making you uncomfortable."

He hesitated for a moment before pushing Cronus down by his shoulders. "Just relax and let me practise being a good matesprit." There might have been a slight tremble in his voice, but hopefully he was just imagining it.

"Whatever you say, chief. I just don't want to get slapped or something."

"I promise I won't physically harm you for the rest of the day," he said as he moved to straddle Cronus and resume where he had left off.

"Have mercy on future me too."

Kankri rolled his eyes as he ran a hand through the other's hair, immediately regretting it. "I will if you stop putting so much gel in your hair." He wiped his hand on Cronus's shirt which resulted in a disappointed groan. Luckily Cronus's horns were big enough for him to touch them without coming into contact with his greasy hair and he ran his fingers up and down, following the lightening bolt motion.

"Can I touch you?"

"…Yes."

Cronus noted the delay and decided not to try and remove any of Kankri's clothing yet, although that wasn't stopping the Cancer from hiking his shirt up to his armpits and planting kisses over his chest and stomach. He placed a finger under Kankri's chin and guided him back to his lips before rolling so that Kankri was beneath him. He sat back on his heels and made a show of taking off his shirt, making sure to flex his biceps. It was all lost on Kankri who still didn't find the naked form any more appealing than the clothed one.

Wait. Cronus was undressing. He had his hands at the hem of his sweater next and was slowly pulling it up, revealing his abnormally high pants. But wait. What was he doing? There were so many implications and red lights flashed in his mind: this was not okay. Or rather he had trained himself to think like that if he ever found himself in a situation such as this. At what point had he decided to allow this? Oh, Cronus was saying something.

"You still wear these? I thought you grew out of them."

"Not at all. They are perfect on chillier days such as today."

"Didn't think you'd need them with that sweater."

Ah yes, that sweater that was now on the floor. Thrown unceremoniously rather than folded nicely. Cronus unzipped his long pants down to his hips, but stopped there, pausing to admire his chest. Hands swept up from his navel to his shoulders, then down his arms to take his hands and pull them towards Cronus's hips. When Kankri remained still, Cronus moved his hands for him, ever closer to his belt buckle.

Kankri felt his hand brush against Cronus's clothed bulge and retracted them immediately. Of course Cronus was ready and waiting, while he lay there completely unfazed by their previous activities. That wasn't good…in fact it would look bad, wouldn't it? And what if he couldn't get it up? Maybe he'd have to tell Cronus to do what Porrim did. No, it was all too embarrassing. They'd done enough today. There had been progress.

"Kankri?"

Oh, his unresponsiveness had been noticed. "I want to stop."

"Okay." Cronus released his hands and sat back.

Kankri sat up with a surprised look. "I'm sorry. Are you mad?"

"I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little disappointed after that build up, but it's cool. Don't want to trigger you or whatever. But all that stuff you were doing – that's the kind of stuff you should do. Anyway, I'm going to take a cold shower. Enjoy the bed while I'm gone."

He rolled over onto his front and pulled the duvet over himself. His thoughts wandered. That was really terrible, wasn't it? And Cronus had left so quickly…maybe he was being considerate? Oh, but that would mean he'd looked as uncomfortable as he felt. _Stop._ This was all going to spiral into self-loathing at this rate and he couldn't allow that. He had to be positive: he'd just allowed someone to partially undress him – someone who wasn't his moirail – and that was a big step in this whole experiment. It was really an honour for Cronus to be allowed that. And Cronus…he was a perfect subject; stopping when asked. He asked no questions and pushed no further…he was truly a great friend. Kankri felt a weight on the bed and a hand ruffle the top of his head that poked out.

"You okay, chief?"

Kankri moved so that his face was no longer pressed into the pillow. "Yeah."

Cronus propped some pillows up and leaned back against them before inviting Kankri into his arms. The Cancer accepted, his back against Cronus's cool chest.

"This is nice," Kankri said and closed his eyes.

"It is. I was worried you'd run away while I was gone."

"And why would I do that?"

"I don't know…I just get a bit…I worry about you, Kan. And I worry about doing things that you don't like."

Kankri stroked a hand clasped around his chest. "You need not worry so much. I'm not going to stop talking to you over something I started."

"But I always worry. I never want to lose you."

"And I'd rather keep you too. It's difficult finding friends as good as you."

"Kan…" That touched him. It wasn't often that Kankri said such lovely things about him. Actually, no one ever really said nice things. "I…there's something I want to tell you, but I'm… Actually, forget it. It's nothing."

"Cronus, you know I won't let you keep whatever it is to yourself now that you've expressed the desire to tell me."

"God, I wish I had a moirail to talk it over with first, but I guess that's not happening."

"Oh, if you need to figure things out before talking then I'm more than happy to wait."

"Nah, I should just man up and say it. No better time than the present, eh?" Since when had Kankri turned to lie on his chest, facing him? "I…I love you, Kan. And I don't mean in just a platonic, friendly sense. I'm…really quite flushed for you and I just wanted you to know that."

"Cronus…" No one had ever said that to him. He and Porrim often said it in pale ways, but no one had ever told him they were red for him. It made him feel warm inside. He smiled and hugged the Aquarius.

"And I know you probably don't feel the same way, but I just wanted – needed you to know. I tried so hard to not fall in love, but I couldn't help it -" Kankri put a finger to his lips and shooshed him.

"It's fine." He nuzzled into Cronus's chest and the Aquarius heaved a sigh of relief. "Your blood pusher is beating so fast."

Cronus laughed. "Yeah, well it's not easy telling someone you love them, especially when it's a long term friend who's not going to reciprocate."

"I'm sorry. I really like you, Cronus, but I don't think love is the right word for it."

"It's cool, I get it."

Cronus was surprised to find the guy asleep on him a while later and wondered what Kankri had been doing to make himself so tired. Why did he care? He had a sleeping Kankri lying on him and keeping him warm.

**ooo**

"And it was terrible. Then we cuddled and he told me he's flushed."

"For you?"

"Who else?"

Porrim took a bite of her biscuit. "Well, I can't advise you on how to become flushed for him, but I'm full of bedroom tips."

"But isn't it bad for me to keep doing this to him? I feel like I'm leading him into a palace, promising him a banquet but then throwing him into a cell."

"…Odd way of putting it, but I see what you mean. I'll give you my honest opinion, as a friend who has known you for enough sweeps. I don't think you'll ever love someone like Cronus loves you, or like people do in films, et cetera. So I'm not saying you _should_ keep leading him on, but I'm suggesting that you don't try and go after anyone else. You have him now, so keep him if you want the quadrant filled."

Kankri groaned. "I…argh."

Porrim giggled. "He makes you speechless. That's interesting."

"No, this situation makes me speechless. And I can only blame myself for deciding to pursue such an absurd idea. Although I do believe you were the first to suggest that I attempt dating a friend."

"It's lasted quite a long time."

"Only because we were close prior to this arrangement. And now I've changed the dynamic and we won't be able to go back and -"

"Kanny, calm down." She put a hand on his shoulder. "It's going to be okay. I think Cronus has proved himself to be very understanding and will happily go back to how things were before."

"But we were so happy…" he mumbled.

"Hmm?"

"He was so happy when we woke up and I was still in his arms. He kissed me softly and then made us breakfast."

"That's sweet. But I did hear you the first time and you said 'we'. You like it, don't you?"

Kankri brought his hands to his face to hide behind them. "Yes," he whispered.

"Stop mumbling into your sleeves and tell me how you feel."

He parted his hands slightly. "It made me feel warm inside when he said all those things. I like it when he hugs me." And there she thought she'd be the only one with that privilege. "And although I don't care much for him touching me in other ways, I like the fact that he wants to. But this isn't love, is it? Because I'm sure that if anyone else acted the same way then I'd be equally thrilled."

"I'm now convinced you should stay together for a little longer at least. If he makes you happy, then why destroy it?"

"I guess, but I…I'm not cut out to be a matesprit. Won't he expect us to progress further than the other night?"

"Only if you want to. And if you do then you just have to be confident and tell him what you like." She looked at Kankri's blank face. "You still haven't experimented, have you?"

"Umm…"

"You don't have to; after all, it was just a suggestion."

"I forget, or I'm not feeling it, or -"

"You're never feeling it. Anyway, I'll talk to Cronus to help you out."

Kankri's eyes widened. "What are you going to tell him? You're not going to tell him what we did, are you?"

"I don't trust you to tell him the right things."

"I will, honestly. But I know you're going to anyway, so just…don't make it sound too lewd."

Porrim rolled her eyes. "Kanny, I don't know what you think I'm going to say, but it'll be straight to the point. It's not like this is real kinky stuff."

"I just feel odd if you two start discussing me in such a way behind my back."

"You make it sound malicious. Biscuit?" She held the tin out to him. He took one as she began to steer the conversation away from him much to his relief.

**ooo**

Kankri started down at the phallic object nestled in velvet. He wondered if Porrim had ever used it or if she had bought it with him in mind should he ever show an interest. After a moment longer of staring he picked up the grey object and inspected it, flicking the switch once he located it. It began to vibrate in his hands and he blushed with embarrassment, quickly turning it off.

GA: Have yo+u go+t it?

CG: Yes.

CG: 6ut I have n9 idea h9w t9 6egin.

GA: Just rub it against yo+ur no+o+k and see ho+w that go+es.

CG: Fine.

He slipped his clothes off and slouched back in his chair, opening his legs. Slowly he began to slide the object against his opening and the lips of his nook. It was pleasant and he found himself pushing it against him with more force, then stopping and trailing it against his skin with the faintest of touches. It left him yearning for more when he teased himself like that and his hips began to move in order to satisfy that craving. His nook was suitably wet within minutes, his bulge curling against his stomach. He never had it this easy. Carefully he ran the dildo between his folds until he located his entrance, slowly pushing it in and widening his legs as he did so. He felt so full once it was completely in, giving himself a moment to get used to it. One hand began to tug it out part way before forcing it back in while the other tended to his bulge, stroking it gently.

His pants filled the room, but he was too lost in pleasure to notice. He was quite content to continue as he was, but he was curious and flicked the switch, arching his back as it began to vibrate within him. Oh god, he couldn't handle this, it was too much.

"Ah – shit, shit. Nnng. F-Fuuuuck." Pleasure wracked his body and he gripped onto the chair's arms as he released, waves of orgasm rushing over him. He waited until his nook had stopped convulsing powerfully before turning it off and slowly removing the object. It was covered in his bright red genetic material, so he lowered it to the floor that was already a mess…actually so was his chair. Wow, he really hadn't planned this well at all. He hadn't even thought about the pail (although that was mainly because he hadn't believed he would get anywhere), but then again he hadn't had time to.

GA: And do+n't fo+rget to+ mo+ve yo+ur hips!

Like that wasn't obvious. He thought he'd been quite fluid last time, but maybe she hadn't thought so.

CG: P9rrim, y9ur gift is the m9st amazing 96ject.

GA: O+h? So+ it went well?

CG: Very. I w9uld even c9nsider using it again. The vi6rate functi9n is quite rev9luti9nary.

CG: Als9, did I say anything 9dd when I was with y9u? I can't remember all the details.

GA: Yo+u were unusually quiet, apart fro+m the panting. I think the o+nly thing yo+u actually said was my name.

CG: 9h. Interesting.

GA: Why? What did yo+u say?

CG: I c9uldn't help 6ut let a few pr9fanities fall fr9m my lips. Rather em6arrassing that I all9wed myself t9 utter such things.

GA: Means yo+u did well.

"So humans all have the same blood colour and from this can I conclude that there is no discrimination? Are you all equal at birth?"

It was Meenah's wriggling day party and everyone, even the humans they'd met in the game, was invited. Kankri sat on one of her many sofas, happily talking to John.

"Err, ideally it would be like that. But people discriminate in other ways."

"Oh? Fascinating. Could you give me some examples?"

"Well, there's sexism, racism, homophobia, um…they're the main words that get thrown around. But people discriminate based on how much money you have and disabilities and such."

"So what is -"

"John!" Karkat dropped into the heir's lap. "Has Kankri given you a thorough talking to? Do you need a knight in shining armour to save you? Because that's me and that's why I'm here."

"We were just talking -"

"Talking?! I've heard enough already. Come on, I'm not letting you waste any more time with this nooksucker."

Kankri folded his arms and shot Karkat an offended look. "I don't appreciate -"

"Nope. We're gone." His dancestor pulled the human away and John gave him an apologetic look.

He was surprised when another human sat in the vacated seat less than a minute later.

"'Ey, cutie. I'll tell you about shumans…um, humans, if you want." She winked at him and took another sip from the glass that never left her hand.

"I…need to go and do something," he lied. He had nothing against the girl, but he doubted it was worth his time to try and talk to her. That and the fact she'd called him 'cutie' was quite off-putting.

As he turned one of the many corners in Meenah's mansion he walked right into a chest.

"Hey, Kankri."

"Oh, Cronus, hello. I thought you weren't going to turn up."

"I got a bit lost in my writing and yeah…almost forgot I had somewhere to be. Have I missed anything?"

"I was talking to John. Earth life is such an interesting conversation topic."

"I'm sure it is. Shall we join the party?"

Kankri nodded and they entered the room the Cancer has just left.

"Wow," Cronus said as they walked in. "I cannot believe she would do that."

"Do what?"

Cronus pointed at the golden coloured cake on the table at the end of the room. It was a miniature version of the statue Meenah had of herself. "She's unbelievable sometimes."

"Well, this _is_ Meenah we're talking about."

He walked closer for a better look. "Even these biscuits are fish-shaped. And the cakes have cuttlefish on them! God, I'm glad I'm normal." The odd snacks didn't deter him from picking a plateful before finding a place for them to sit. Aranea waved them over to the circular sofa Meenah had – did she have every kind or something? He guessed she could afford to in a hive this big. They sat down to see some familiar faces and some they could only give a surname for.

"And then he jumped off the railing and landed upright for the first time in months," Latula said and the others clapped with her.

"How's it going?" Cronus asked Eridan who he was now sat next to.

"It's not bad."

"Good." And he guessed that's as much conversation as they would have.

"Oh god, what is in these?" Kankri complained after biting into a biscuit.

"It's cod!" Feferi smiled.

"Why would you put cod into a biscuit?" Kankri inquired. "It's possibly the worst combination I've tasted."

"Oh? You don't like it?" She looked sad.

"Fuck off, asswipe," Sollux said and put an arm around her. "She put a lot of effort into making those."

"I apologise, I didn't mean to offend. I really was just curious."

"Yeah, well you didn't have to give your stupid opinion too."

"Woah, chill out, man," Cronus said. "Kan doesn't appreciate sea food much, that's all. No need to get defensive."

"And you don't need to get involved, Ampora." Sollux was on his feet now and Eridan took the chance to kick him in the shin.

"Sit down, Sol, he ain't worth it. Can't believe you're getting' all worked up over a fuckin' biscuit."

Sollux gripped the front of Eridan's shirt and stared into his eyes with anger while the Aquarius stared back nonplussed. He released his grip and the tension dissipated. "I fucking hate you."

"Hate you too," Eridan said as an automated reply.

"Anyway," Aranea said. "How about some drinks and a new conversation topic?"

"We could play a game," Eridan suggested. "Like spin the bottle."

"No," Sollux said. "Most of us have matesprits we'd rather keep."

"It's just a bit of fun."

"You just want to kiss FF!"

"BOYS!" Feferi yelled.

They both looked at her with raised eyebrows, unaware she could shout that loud.

"Or perhaps something non-contact," Porrim said. "Like strip poker."

Aranea set eight glasses down on the table in the centre. "You want to play that here?"

"No, we'd probably use one of Meenah's many rooms."

"I'm game," Latula said.

The others mumbled among each other.

"You wanna play?" Cronus whispered.

"Not particularly, although don't let me stop you."

"Nah, I wasn't feeling it either."

"Well?" Porrim asked, looking at the beta trolls.

"Yeah, why not."

Aranea set down a few jugs of various drinks. "Are we all in?"

"Kanny's not playing."

"You could ask," Kankri said.

"I know you won't say yes. In fact, I would have bet money you would say no." Kankri rolled his eyes; his moirail could be annoying at times. "Although I wouldn't know what to bet with Cronus."

"Nice offer, but I'm gonna sit this one out."

"Grab a drink and we'll get going." Porrim began to pour herself a glass of wine.

"I'll get 'Tuna." Latula jumped up and Sollux sighed.

"Not another asshole. We need someone cool from our lot to balance this out."

"How about Kar?" Eridan suggested.

"He's probably too busy fucking around with the humans. Did you hear how excited he was when Meenah said they were coming?"

"Then why not just invite the humans as well?" Eridan raised his eyebrows.

"You're a sick fuck, ED. Don't think I don't know what's going on in that thinkpan of yours."

"So, I'll go and fetch them?"

Sollux nodded and they all got up to leave. Kankri poured himself some juice, grateful that Aranea hadn't left him out.

"I look at those two and it reminds me why I never even considered dabbling in kismesissitude."

"I don't think us Beforan trolls are cut out for it." Cronus sat back with his own glass of juice.

"You do realise that doesn't have anything soporific about it?"

Cronus nodded. "I know. I also know you don't approve of alcohol."

Kankri smiled gratefully. "I… That's really thoughtful of you." He did want to say 'don't change because of me', but that would be lying and he'd rather not deal with a tipsy – or worse, drunk – Cronus who might take advantage of his current matesprit privileges. Not that he thought Cronus would be a bad guy, but he'd rather not have that worry in the back of his mind.

He hugged Cronus and the two of them sat huddled together talking until someone snuck up behind them, close enough so that they could feel their breath on the back of their necks when they spoke.

"Where's my grill at?" Meenah asked.

The pair jumped, separating immediately.

"Woah, Meenah, could have announced yourself or something," Cronus complained.

"Naw, you two looked all cosy. Didn't wanna do anyfin to destroy your good time."

"Well, we've been suitably disturbed, so what did you want?" Kankri asked.

"I'm just looking for Aranea, but this thing you two got going on, gonna spill the krill on that?"

They looked at each other, silently deciding not to say a word.

"Birthday girl don't get no info? Ten out of ten for effort, guys. I just need to know if I need to get over to Porrim and tell her she's out of a moirail. Didn't think Kan did red." She gave his hair a quick ruffle. "And I didn't think anyone took you in any quad."

Cronus rolled his eyes. "I would tell you to go fuck yourself, but it's your birthday and all."

"Not gonna respond to those black vibes ever. Now tell me what you did with Ara and the others that were here earlier."

"They've gone to play strip poker." Cronus waggled his eyebrows. "I thought she might have invited you."

"Oh-ho. Water bitch. Not that I need to sea her sexy body, but I kinda wanted to keep it for my eyes only, you get me. Anyway, sea you two." She was gone before they could say bye.

"I thought you were saying we weren't cut out for kismesissitude?"

"It's just a bit of banter like always. Her fish puns gave me an idea though; do you want to head down to the beach?"

"Don't you think it's a little chilly for that?"

"Well, maybe too cold to get in the water, for you at least, but it's nice enough for a walk."

Kankri shrugged. "Okay then."

Cronus interlaced their fingers as they made their way out of the massive hive and down the stairs to sea level.

"I'm glad you suggested this," Kankri said as they walked along. "I wanted to talk about some things I've been thinking about."

"Oh?"

"I was thinking about us… Can we sit?"

They got comfy on the sand, looking out at the waves, or at least Kankri was; Cronus was busy watching his face, trying to gauge where this conversation was heading.

"I like this…this arrangement we have. But I don't think it's fair on you."

"Kan, I -" Kankri pressed a finger to his lips.

"Despite thinking that, I want to continue being your matesprit if it's okay with you. I just don't want you to feel like you have to continue."

Cronus's face lit up and he pulled Kankri close, kissing him. "I want nothing more than for us to continue like this. I love you, Kan."

"And I like you too."

"You know Porrim spoke to me, right?"

Kankri turned bright red. "She said she would. Did she say anything I would disapprove of?"

"Maybe…she said you said some really sweet things about me."

"That wasn't supposed to be part of the deal – I told her those things in confidence and it was supposed to stay between moirails."

Cronus stroked his cheek. "Calm down, chief, I was pulling your leg. I made that up to see what you would say. So, you did say sweet things, eh?"

Kankri hit his chest lightly. "I'm not telling you, but maybe I did."

"Maybe you can whisper them to me one night after I try out the other things Porrim told me."

Kankri's face joined his hands at Cronus's chest. The Aquarius patted his back. "I'm sorry, Kan, I'll stop embarrassing you now. Shall we go back inside?"

"Yes, I'm quite bored of this sand now. I forgot how annoying it was." He walked on ahead by a few steps, waiting for his face to cool down.

**ooo**

"_I'm in serious shit,_

_I feel totally lost,_

_If I'm asking for help it's only because_

_Being with you has opened my eyes,_

_Could I ever believe such a perfect surprise?_

_I keep asking myself,_

_Wondering how,_

_I keep closing my eyes but I can't block you out,_

_Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me,_

_Nobody else so we can be free…_"

Cronus strummed the guitar once more. "That's all I've got so far. I'm trying to change the chorus and make it a bit more uplifting."

"Oh, is this another human song?"

"Yeah. It really spoke to me when I started to fall in love with you."

Kankri leaned over a pecked him on the cheek. "It was beautiful. I'd like to hear it when it's finished."

A buzzer sounded and Cronus thrust the guitar into his hands. "I'll be back soon." The Aquarius had decided to cook them both dinner and was being very secretive about it. Maybe it was just to keep him out of the food block so he didn't meddle, but he hoped it was just because Cronus wanted to surprise him.

He strummed the guitar a few times and laughed at how poorly he played. Cronus had given him a few tips, but he'd never dedicated any time to learning properly, preferring to focus on the piano.

"You gonna play something for me?" Cronus asked when he returned to find Kankri pressing a few keys.

"I've been practising something, but it doesn't sound the same on the piano."

"Oh, new instrument?"

"My keyboard has settings that make it sound like an organ. The tune loses its beauty without it."

"I get it. So, when are you inviting me over for a recital? And maybe dinner?" Cronus wagged his eyebrows.

"When I perfect it, which will be never."

Cronus frowned.

"But you can come round for dinner."

"I wanna hear your music, babe."

"Maybe I'll share it one day. It's a very personal thing for me, aside from the fact I'm not sure it's any good."

Cronus draped his arms around Kankri's neck. "I'm sure it's more than good if you're complaining a piano won't do it justice."

"It's not the played music I'm worried about, it's the lyrics. You write such lovely things in your songs, always worded perfectly. Then there's me and my attempts…"

The Aquarius laughed and patted his head. "You're worried about the spoken element? Come on, Kan, you can whip up perfect essays in a moment's notice. Why would lyrics you spend more time on be of a lesser quality?"

Kankri shrugged. "Maybe because there are fewer of them. I have to pick them so much more carefully. I can talk for ages and decide to revisit a point later, or amend something based on others' input. But a song…it's a different ball game."

"Well then, I'll just have to hope that one day you'll want to share with me. Anyway, dinner's going to be ready shortly, so come down and take a seat."

Kankri was surprised to find that Cronus had made every effort this evening. The table looked like something out of a posh restaurant – candles, flowers, several sets of cutlery and he'd even remembered the table cloth. He took his seat feeling a little under-dressed, as if they really were eating out.

Cronus set a small bowl in front of him and announced that this was to be a full three course meal which surprised Kankri further. Honestly he had expected a standard dinner, maybe with something a little special about it, but nothing quite as grand as this. He looked down at the bowl to find grub soup – and it wasn't the cheap kind either. He spooned some of the purple broth into his mouth as he wondered what else Cronus had planned.

By the time he'd finished dessert he was thoroughly impressed with Cronus's culinary skills and rather stuffed.

"So, how was it overall?"

"You can cook for me any time you like." Kankri laughed. "It was absolutely amazing."

"Aw man, I'm so glad to hear that. I was so worried I'd mess it up or it'd taste like shi- I mean taste awful."

"Well, it looks like I have a lot to live up to."

A faint blush appeared on Cronus's cheeks. "Nah, I'm not that great. So, shall we watch a film or play something? Up to you, chief."

"I think I'll sit here a while longer before I attempt any movement. But a relaxing film would be good."

He smiled and took their plates out, pleased with Kankri's choice. He'd learned that his matesprit was quite competitive and would much rather spend the time cuddling him than fighting. Well, it wasn't fighting, more like friendly banter, but it made Kankri less touchy in a physical sense and more touchy emotionally.

Today's film of choice, to sum it up quickly, was a romcom involving two matesprits who go on holiday. Of course, many more things happen in the film, but the full title was something not even Kankri was bothered to read before pressing play. They got comfy, the two of them with their arms around each other.

"We should go somewhere like that one day," Cronus said once the film finished.

Kankri stretched. "Yes, without the drama of ex-matesprits and upset sea dwellers."

"Can't see us having any problems then, unless we pick a bad place."

They headed upstairs and Kankri stripped down to his underwear before climbing under the covers of the bed. Cronus looked a little surprised.

"What's wrong?" Kankri asked.

"Nothing. Just good to see you so comfortable."

"I still haven't got round to getting my own human bed, so I was quite excited to stay over."

Cronus joined him under the covers. "Ah, so that's it. Not here to see me, just to use my bed."

"Of course not. It wouldn't be the same if you weren't here with me." He kissed Cronus's neck as he cuddled up to his side.

A hand tangled in the Cancer's hair, sliding a finger against a horn. Kankri let out a pleased noise and rested his head on Cronus's chest.

"Are you sure you're not somehow related to Meulin?" Cronus joked. "Because you look like a little kitten. Maybe I should call you that, what do you say, Kankitty?"

"No," Kankri mumbled. "The other Leijon used to call Karkat something like that. And he's someone I don't wish to be associated with anymore than I already am."

"Aw, that's a shame. I thought that was a good one. Maybe something else?"

Kankri raked his nails against the other's chest lightly. "I think my name will suffice on its own."

"Kankri."

"Mmm?"

"Is that what I said in your dreams? Not 'Kan'?"

It took Kankri a moment to realise what Cronus was talking about. "I cannot believe she would bring that up! It was months ago!" The Cancer had removed himself from Cronus's chest and sat with his arms folded.

"Hey, it's cool, nothing wrong with dreaming of me." Cronus smiled and rubbed the leg he could reach soothingly.

"I really shouldn't have let her talk to you. Not that she gave me any choice, but still."

"Well she didn't say what happened, only that I was in a dream you had. I guess I just assumed it wasn't your average dream because of the other things we were talking about."

"You're right and it was too long ago for me to remember details, so let's move on."

Cronus patted the place on his chest where Kankri's head had been and the Cancer retook the position. They laid like that, a hand stroking a horn while the other was clasped in Kankri's hands, until they were both asleep.

**ooo**

Kankri had his lips on Cronus's fins. He'd found that he quite liked making his matesprit gasp with surprise when he did that. Unfortunately for Cronus that's all Kankri had been doing; teasing him. But he supposed that was better than being worked up only to be told to stop. Today it was different though. Kankri lingered at the tips of his fins, running his tongue between the spines slowly.

"Kaaaan…" Cronus moaned. He never usually said anything because Kankri never lingered long enough.

"Hmm?" the Cancer hummed against his jaw now.

"What are you up to?"

Kankri kissed his neck. "Making you feel good."

Cronus groaned as hands tweaked his nipples. "And can I do the same?"

"Of course."

The Aquarius began to move his hands across the Cancer's body, touching all the places he'd usually avoid, making sure to cover every inch while he had the chance. Honestly, he was thinking like Kankri would never allow something like this again, but when had he ever said he couldn't do this?

"Oh shit~" Cronus trilled as Kankri sucked a nipple, biting on it gently.

At his next chance he flipped them and began to run a hand down Kankri's body, stopping at the waistband of his briefs to wait for Kankri's consent. The Cancer nodded hesitantly.

"I'm not going to if that's the best nod you've got."

Kankri took hold of his wrist and forced his hand under the fabric. "Stroke."

Cronus was more than willing to comply, moving his fingers slowly.

"Stop staring at me like that."

"Just making sure you're okay."

"I'm fine and will be as long as you quit staring like that. Kiss me or something."

Cronus began to trail kisses down his body, tugging down the Cancer's pants as he neared his hips. Kankri hid his face as Cronus began to lick and suck his most intimate areas. The Aquarius listened as Kankri's breathing began to change, only to be muffled by a pillow. That was a shame, he really liked listening to the way he was becoming aroused, but he figured he should keep going or he'd never hear the real goods. Slowly a red tinted bulge emerged, helped by Cronus stroking it.

"That wasn't too hard," Cronus said as he sat up. "Now, let's see that lovely face of yours." He pulled the pillow from Kankri's gasp and looked down at his flushed face. "You're too cute, Kan. Now…" He slowly tugged on his boxers, revealing his bulge slowly.

Kankri gulped as he realised this was it. This was the official 'I'm going to fill a pail with someone' time. He didn't have time to think much more than that because Cronus was pinning him to the bed and lowering his hips to the Cancer's. Kankri opened himself up as Cronus kissed him, slowly moving forward until bulge found nook. The Cancer let out a mewl as Cronus filled him.

"You okay?" Cronus whispered.

"Y-yeah," Kankri said breathlessly.

The Aquarius began to move his hips slowly at first, enjoying everything about his matesprit; the way he sounded, the faces he made, the way he felt.

"Mmm~ Cronus…"

"Kan, you're so hot." Wait. Something about that word…Kankri didn't like it, right? "Fuck, sorry, just…yeah. You're wonderful and beautiful and god I love you."

Kankri giggled. "It's fun to see you like this – ah." Cronus picked up the pace, pushing into Kankri with more force.

The Cancer fondled his bulge as Cronus moaned his name. God, why did that turn him on so much?

"Pail," Kankri said between gasps.

"Shit." Really should have thought of that earlier. He rolled them so that he never had to leave Kankri, throwing an arm over the side of the bed and retrieving the bucket.

They both huddled over it, embracing each other. Kankri's bulge found Cronus's nook while Cronus's mouth found Kankri's neck.

"Ah – Cronus." The Cancer was moaning freely now which only pushed Cronus closer to climax. "Nng, s-shit." He held onto Cronus's shoulders as he released, the sound of him panting pushing Cronus over the edge.

The Aquarius quickly ditched the pail and lay down beside Kankri, pulling him into a spooning position.

"God, that was amazing, Kan. Like sex is so much better when you're so in love with the person you're with."

Kankri hummed in agreement, although he wouldn't know the difference.

"Hey, why so quiet? Oh god, I triggered you didn't I? I mean, you never swear usually -"

Kankri turned to face him. "I'm fine, in fact I'm excellent. I might even go as far as saying I've never felt better, now hush and bathe in afterglow with me."

Cronus laughed, not putting Kankri down as one to say such a thing. He'd been expecting the guy to run off to the ablution trap almost immediately after, but he was glad that didn't happen; this was perfect. He twirled a finger around a lock of Kankri's hair and waited before finally asking, "Can I get any feedback?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"Did you like it?"

"It was a very enjoyable activity that I may wish to repeat again in the near future."

Cronus leaned in to kiss him. "I love you."

"Like you, too."

Cronus smiled, _close enough._

**ooo**

Kankri walked into the foyer of the restaurant feeling rather out of place. Everyone else in the vicinity was dressed to the nines and nearly all sea dwellers. He walked to the front desk where a pristine waiter stood.

"Can I help you, sir?" His tone made it sound as if Kankri had walked into the wrong place.

"Yes, the name's Ampora."

The waiter nodded and led him through to the – wait, this was a restaurant? The ceiling was high and decorated with paintings of lusi and young trolls, pillars carved with golden details supported the building and floor was made of marble. He looked around to find the music he could hear was being played live and – wow, that whole wall behind them was a giant fish tank.

"Sir?"

Kankri snapped back to reality and took his seat.

"Looking sexy tonight," Cronus said. The black turtle neck under a blazer really did wonders for his figure compared to the sweaters that were two sizes too big.

"Thank you." He had learnt to accept Cronus's compliments, but that was more of an automated response as he continued to look around in awe.

"You alright, Kan?"

"Yeah." He turned his eyes to Cronus. "Yes, I… You look nice." Of course he hadn't expected to see his matesprit in his usual t-shirt and jeans, but seeing him in a silk purple shirt and bow tie was unexpected. "I didn't know you owned anything like that."

"Well this isn't your usual place, figured I'd make an effort."

"It is rather extravagant." Although that still felt like an understatement. "What is this place and why are we here?"

"It's a posh restaurant Eridan recommended."

"I feel like I've walked into a sea dweller exclusive club where I need to own at least my own weight in gold to get in."

Cronus laughed. "Yeah, I get that feeling. But it's okay, right?"

"Yes…or it would be if I could stop seeing the class oppression going on." It wasn't hard to notice that all of the waiters were land dwellers of at least olive blood. But that wasn't what really ate at him. It was the fact that only the sea dwellers wore any colour, everyone else was in black and white. Maybe that's why Porrim had advised against him wearing any red at all? But it wasn't a rule was it? It amazed him that people could just start a trend like this and for everyone to agree that it was okay.

"I'm sorry, chief, I didn't look into it much before coming here. We can go if you want."

Kankri shook his head. "Not at all. I appreciate the effort you've made – not that you've told me why yet."

Cronus blushed and cocked his head to the side. "It's our one sweep anniversary."

Kankri raised his eyebrows. Had it really been that long?

"Well, one sweep since you asked me to try and be your matesprit. I figure I'd start counting from there."

"Champagne?" The waiter held out a bottle.

"No, thank you. Can we have a ten fruit cocktail each."

The waiter nodded and handed them both a menu before leaving.

"Sounds good. But you know I don't mind if you have one glass."

"It's not worth the money for something that isn't my favourite and don't act like you wouldn't sit there and eye it disdainfully."

Kankri smiled. "You know me too well."

The ride back to Cronus's hive was short and the journey to his bed even shorter. It was easy to please Kankri when he was the one to start things and tonight was one of those nights. _Kankri…Kankri…Kankri…_ Whispering breathlessly over and over with more need until the other was putty in his hands.

"I love you, Kankri."

"I love you too, Cronus."

Wait. That wasn't how it went… "Say it again."

"I love you, Cronus."

"Once more."

Kankri kissed him before whispering in his ear. "I love you."

A/N: That's it. I'm out. Song credit: there's one line from You're The One I want from Grease and the verse Cronus sings is the first verse of All The Things She Said by t.A.T.u.. I'm sorry if it's all over the place it got too personal and subsequently deviated from whatever plot I had originally planned. Sometimes you just gotta go with the flow.


End file.
